Identity and Reinvention

2016 has been a difficult year for me. You see, in the last week of December 2015 I made what should not have been a startling realization about myself – I hate being a software developer. In fact, I never loved it. It was never a passion. You see, as I prepared to enroll in college, I wasn’t entirely sure what I should declare as a major (a dilemma I know is far from unique), but since I couldn’t major at being a rock star, I fell back on programming. I had picked up some BASIC (har-dee-har-har developer humor) programming skills as a teenager and figured that would be a good career. So I declared that as my major, learned enough to be dangerous, and started my career post-graduation in 2007 as a .Net developer.

For a while, I think I was really able to delude myself into thinking I’d made the right choice. After all, once I moved on past my first entry-level job, I made decent money, had good benefits, met some good people, and I generally seemed to know what I was doing and be good at my job. And I think that was mostly enabled by the incredibly low standards at my first job and just being around a team of very exceptionally talented developers at the second job.

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Lions and Humans and Love – Oh My!

I have a heavy heart right now. That’s not to say that I am constantly sad or anything. In fact, for those keeping tabs on me after my post at the beginning of the year, my depression is pretty much past (this bout was largely sparked by the job I left at the end of December, so with the removal of the negative aspects of that job, the depression evaporated within the first few therapy sessions of the year), and even my therapist told me during my most recent session that I’ve made tremendous strides n the realm of my mental health, and I *FEEL* like a stronger, better man than I did at the start of the year.

So why is my heart so heavy?

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